My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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