I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
