Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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