I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
