Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
