just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
