This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
