it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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