I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
