k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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