pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
