worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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