Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
