I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
