i just wanna soil my oats bro
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
