I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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