If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sober January is a disaster.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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