Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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