Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
