Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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