and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
