Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
