he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is my gift to your gina
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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