just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
