We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
