Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
