He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
