I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
