I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
