Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
