They should really pass out barf bags in church
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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