do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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