Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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