Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
