so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
