I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
