im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
