Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
