I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
