i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
