There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
