Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
