she was so not down for the gang bang
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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