I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
