oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
