I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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