the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
