They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
