I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
