Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
